As part of the healing process, I recently spent part of the holidays going through a series intensive advanced DNA healing and trance work to connect to my "inner-child" and to do some more tune-up healing work. The holiday time is a great time to do this, as it helps to stay focused on my path and to work more on releasing the emotional abuse from childhood.
A need for this was triggered on December 14th - the day of the Newtown shootings. Having started PALS AROUND THE WORLD, a grass roots nonprofit in my spare time to help children in 2011, I came home that day from our book donation rounds, as I always do during the holidays to hear the upsetting news. I was so sick to my stomach imaging these little innocent angelic faces and thought about all the teachers and librarians I work with and how we would protect the kids if were placed in a similar situation. When I visited my elderly cousin and her caretaker that evening, I found them glued to the tv, along with the rest of the nation. All of us asking how such innocent lives could be taken. It also sent "chills" down my spine because it was my mother's birthday and she greatly disapproved of my work helping children and launching PALS AROUND THE WORLD. It reminded me of a conversation we had the week before, where she had expressed anger that I was continuing my work with PALS and was agitated (seeing my newsletter) that I had started to make progress this fall with my work since returning back to LA.
While disapproval and anger are one thing.. its another when people "energetically" put effort into wanting to stop you from your path and your work - and at times I have had to protect myself and step up the prayers by working on nurturing/protecting me.
To my surprise, in trance work - past life issues regarding my mother were brought to light, including my mother and her deep unhappiness and my need to show love/compassion but separate from both my mother and my father until they can both learn to treat me right without being abusive.
Many things were also brought into prospective during my Advanced DNA/Theta healing class the following week. During this intense 3 day workshop we shifted the energy and brought a lot of my childhood trauma and abuse to the light to be effectively released and healed. As a common theme in our class of ten was parental abuse - ranging from a beautiful elderly Jamaican grandmother healer to a young Korean-American girl to a middle-aged caucasian business woman from Orange County to a mormon couple from Nevada. We may have all come from different age groups, cultures and socio-economic backgrounds, but we all shared similar stories and had emotions emerge from childhood trauma and parental abuse that needed to be brought out and healed.
Much like Kundalini Yoga, with Theta healing, moving the energy and healing old wounds in one's DNA is necessary yet effective healing work as oftentimes childhood abuse is deeply buried and can leave lasting scars in adults if it goes untreated. Though its quite effective.. at its core, DNA healing is belief work and takes a certain level of understanding and openness to the process in order to heal. Sometimes, people just aren't ready to remove certain core beliefs - as perhaps there are reasons they want the "pain/trauma" in place - oftentimes as buffers or feelings of protection. That is why this therapy is a great gentle way of doing only what is permissibly right and acceptable for each individual.
As a traditional I/O psychologist with a variety of background and skills in healing modalities, I am not a novice, but I am by no means an expert.. and on this physical earth plane, I am here to learn, grow and heal just like everyone else. And while we are all at different levels of understanding regarding healing - it is only what works for me personally that I care to apply and recommend. I am not offended if others embrace or accept these newly emerging methodologies or not. It is only by sharing my work and my own personal experiences that I hope to help others who faced similar issues in their own life.
But as a healer or just someone looking for healing - with these modalities we need constant "tune-ups" to remain a clear channel when issues pop-up in order to heal and operate more effectively, much like a gardner pruning his plants. Without constant care and tune-ups, the weeds come back.
While much of the work that surfaced among our group was very personal. The healing was profound and it was done in a very safe and nurturing environment. Marina Rose is a leading authority in DNA/Theta healing. One Ive worked with for a few years now and a very trusted healer, teacher and dear friend. In teaching this modality, she has seen and dealt with the full-gamut of healing needed - the work is done directly within the client and the creator - a very "non-evasive" gentle approach to healing. Much like the work we do in Kundalini Yoga with our breath/energy work - but in a different way/process of connecting.
Doing mediation and trance work - along with DNA healing during these changing times, allows one to continue doing the clearing work and the ability to obtain the answers from within. For me personally this month - its fortification/healing in order to "own my path" without interference, ambiguity or negativity. For others its clearing their own unique challenges they are experiencing at this moment in time.
Through the surfacing and clearing work in our workshop - an individual in theta healing is able to first "identify" the source of the abuse through digging work and then transmute/remove that pain or core belief which allows the client to bring in the healing - taking away the source: the inflicted/inherited core belief. The change is felt immediately and as a result, one is able to handle similar issues that arise post healing in a better way - one that doesn't hurt or cause pain/trauma. In turn, the shift inside you forces the people who you deal with that contributed to the initial trauma/conflict to change as well - as you are not a victim and you are not dealing with them in the same habitual pattern. As a result, your own healing is helping that person to heal as well.
It takes strength and courage to tell an abuser they are acting in a way that is unacceptable to us. However, before boundaries can be set, a person has to clearly be aware (through therapy and the healing process) what constitutes healthy behavior and what an acceptable interaction dynamic looks like - before they can even ask to be treated right.
Once perspective and healing takes place, the next step is to set very clear personal boundaries on how you are to be treated.
Part of recovery is how to take down walls and protect ourselves in healthy ways by learning what our personal boundaries are, how to set them and how to properly defend them once they are in place.
Its also clearly knowing that we have the right to protect and defend ourselves. And that we have not only a right, but a duty to take ownership and responsibility for how we allow others to treat us.
I was reminded of this today when I called home to revisit toxic conversations with my parents. Usually the abuse comes from my mother - but today was the rare exception that my father actually answered the phone. His response today started off pleasant. We talked for a minute about how he was feeling which turned into picking fights and yelling "Your a loser, you don't have a full time job and everyone in LA are losers" Yes, though this was a mild verbal abuse compared to other conversations - usually with my mother - the old overly sensitive me would have been hurt, cried and upset. But the new me shrugs it off and the best way for me or for anyone to handle this type of abuse is to state what you are willing or not willing to accept.
So for me personally, this is done by stating: "You are being verbally abusive by calling me names and this is NOT acceptable. I will have to cut this conversation short until you can talk to me in an acceptable manner with decency and respect."
If behavior or respect for your boundaries are not met, it may mean communicating clearer ones if the action continues. An example would be:
"If you keep repeating this behavior, I will consider all my options, including leaving this relationship."
Though one may naturally be upset to hear such words - I simply state that although my reply was one of love and gratitude (as I had initially called to check on my parents and to let them know I had sent a thank you note and a small gift) It was clear my boundaries were not being respected and I had to hang-up.
Today, I feel pleased and at peace that I have set stronger boundaries in place. I do not have to accept being treated in this way and I do not have to absorb or hear it anymore. Its like "switching the channel" on a bad horror movie.. you can always switch to the lighthearted funny comedy instead. Also, surrounding oneself with loving people and relationships and continuing to set goals - and discuss them only with loving/supportive people works best.
I have also opened my heart to embracing the type of work I am here to do - work that fits with the times we live in and that keeps me happy and growing and healing myself and others. Through both learning more healing work, counseling, writing and putting whats learned into practice, I am not only helping me - but helping others.
During these changing times, I find comfort in knowing I'm handling the challenges Ive faced up until now the best that I can and will always show love, forgiveness and compassion.. but sometimes boundaries mean walking away - because you cannot change people - only your response to them. By sharing my story I hope to help others heal too who have had similar abusive relationships in their life.
Though I wrote a few months ago about the shock of returning to Detroit after years of being away to see my ailing father, and the family wounds it brought up, this article is how I chose to deal with it. To keep moving on and healing in the best proactive way possible.
In retrospect, the visit brought me "face to face' with just how bad the abuse had become over the years and how I needed to heal and set boundaries to not take it anymore. The depth of the abuse was something that I never realized as a young person growing up in the home - as I learned to be on my own and bury it at an early age - but it was always there.
Therapy is not always pretty - and the things that surface may be painful to go through - but the insight and healing makes it worthwhile. Its like unloading a lot of useless baggage that is not even yours..As in many cases, core beliefs (unconscious or otherwise) can be in your DNA carried over from many many generations before you from your ancestors. Core-beliefs in your lineage that you may or may not be aware you're carrying.
As a human being with a heart and soul, we all have the right to protect and defend ourselves. By setting boundaries, we can better own our feelings and communicate in a direct and honest manner. Without communicating boundaries, healthy relationships are not possible.
Just like everyone on this earth, I am in a transitional place in life walking between two worlds as our humanity shows through and as we start to grow in consciousness. This change in us as humans is all a part of the new era the Mayans talk about.. Not a specific date in time, but a beautiful gradual shift birthing a new, loving, harmonious new world. Something we are in the middle of experiencing..
This walk between worlds is discovering who we truly are.. For me personally, it means
learning to navigate in a new world more in accordance with my heart, as it has become more and more apparent during a recent job interview that my old world working in corporate project management/software development doesn't work for me. This particular job interview involved artificial intelligence software technology replacing humans with robots. Though I was happy to receive a call for the interview, the job site felt sterile, cold and impersonal and the work had zero heart. Exploring this opportunity made me realize - it was just NOT me or what I am about anymore. It also caused me to "fine-tune" my goals and objectives in the NOW to attract the right kind of work.
Things that happen on our path are not by accident… by going backwards - like visiting my family or interviewing for this job, I was able to realize how much I have truly outgrown certain things that were once acceptable. By seeing what you don't want.. it helps one to "focus" in on what one does want.. and as we connect more in our hearts.. this transition will be more "on-track" , more effortless - manifesting the right opportunities in a new world of possibilities.
By counseling, writing, teaching and helping others heal and continuing my work with PALS AROUND THE WORLD, we are just getting warmed up and the doors are continuing to open in this direction.
As I do more clearing work - I have become more and more comfortable sharing what I've been through - so that I may help others too who are also having growing pains and in need of healing/boundary setting during this transition.
For some - its loving yourself enough to say know to others who abuse until they can treat you right and become the loving vibration that you are.. but remember, the person abusing may never change and may not be a part of your journey anymore.
And yes, that can be sad.. because kindness and love knows no enemies.. but remember - some people's battles are with themselves - not you - and you can't take it personally. You also cannot change that, but you don't have to be a victim of someone's bad moods or put-downs either. The answers and what your willing to accept resides in you and the person through boundaries. Yes people can change, but they have to want to change and prove they are trustworthy and willing to change.
In retrospect, over the past few years, I realize how much stronger and more confidant I've become to reveal who I truly am as a human being without fear of judgement, parental disapproval or abuse.
I will continue to strive at being the best that I can be and help those I encounter on my path - young or old - as we are all hear to learn, grow, heal and be about love - and most importantly be there for each other in every sense of the word.